International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Well...another reason to love the fall - it's International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Who was the genius who decided to spread this one around because he/she has got to really feel good about getting everyone on board with this one. What may have just been a joke 10 years ago is something that I now look forward to, as long as I'm reminded of it. For anyone else who's interested, yesterday was Chilean Independence Day. And September 11th in Chile is when they mourn Pinochet's atrocities and decide to wreck the city. No joke. We were allowed to proselyte or even go outside on September 11th...anyways...to celebrate talk like a pirate day, I'm including some good old fashioned pirate humor, because ye know how a surly pirate always likes a good laugh! Yarrrrr!!!

One of my favorite things about these jokes is doing it in a pirate's voice...

Do you know where my buccaneers are? On the side of me buccan-head! Yarrrrrrr!

What does a dyslexic pirate say? RRRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!

What does a retarded pirate say? NNNNNNYYYYYYAAAAA!!!!

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

What's really a pirate's favorite letter?P! Because it's an Rrrrr, but it's missing a leg!

I think this one is my favorite and I'll tell you why...when you read this, read it like it's in family guy and you have a couple of dudes dressed up as pirates, but rather than talking in pirate voices, they're just normal dudes...so Family Guy, and it's a good one too:

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine.

"The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day Everyone! YAAARRRRR!!!!