Bored As Hell And I Wanna Get Ill

That looks more like a roman numeral "III" than Ill, huh? Kinda funny.

So yeah...that's basically what I've been feeling for the last 4 weeks. I can't believe I've been here almost 4 weeks already. Almost one whole month. Crazy. Not that it has passed quickly, but not that it has gone that slowly either. Time has just been meandering.

I haven't been blogging as much, but I think that's not due to time constraints, but mostly two factors: I feel guilty that I'm not doing my homework, and I feel like all my blog posts are journal type entries. I've been following all the same politics, sports, current events, etc. but I just feel like talking about my day or what I'm feeling and that doesn't seem to be all that interesting. Or is it? I don't know, but that's really how I'm feeling these days about my blogging. So then I end up not writing anything at all, and that bugs me. It's funny how much it bothers me when I don't post.

I feel this place that I'm living in - Provo - is Provo in name only. It's definitely not the same place for me now that it was from 2001-2004. My apartment is not my home; it feels more like a hotel. I feel like a transient here. And you know why? Because home is about the people, and the people that I enjoyed this place with during those years are all gone. It's weird to go to places now and have so many memories about every single restaurant, movie theater, street, building, nook and cranny that I see.

I went to see Ghost Town by myself today (which was really entertaining, by the way. I went at Kent's suggestion on his blog) at the Provo Town Center mall and the first thoughts I had as I got over there were about the last movies I saw there with other people. I saw XXX with Dave when we were just killing time one day. I took a nap during Guess Who with Dave and Caitlin, maybe Greg was there too. I saw Wimbledon with Becca and her friends there. She and I also saw How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days there near our first Valentine's day together, and she wrapped her arm in mine.

Being here has made me think a lot about her. Everything that happened in the last two years that I lived here was all about her. I didn't expect that to come up so much. And I hate admitting that. I guess that's pretty personal, but it's the truth.

I play intramural soccer on the same fields, but the experience is so different. I don't have post-game chats about how the game went with Dave. We don't get Pizza Pipeline anymore. I have maybe one person that I feel like I can just call up or text when I want to grab something to eat. I have a bunch of acquaintances here right now, but very few friends. Usually it's the other way around for me, and that's how I prefer it.

What's that line at the end of A River Runs Through It? "I am haunted by waters," I think. I'm haunted by these ghosts. Normally it's fine. The ghosts are always there, but you don't notice them when you're not by yourself so much. I know it's just a matter of time before I find some people that I click with, but it's weird in the meantime knowing I'm on my own. Not just knowing, but really feeling it.

Anyway, if you've bothered to come this far through this dreary post, below is the trailer. The movie is really funny. I laughed out loud, a lot. And I was by myself doing that in a theater full of people. You know what was funny? Being in a movie and hearing audible gasps at the two F-words and G-damn in the movie.