Joy In Your Posterity

I got about three hours of sleep last night, so I was laying around this afternoon after I had finished all of today's work trying to get drowsy so I could catch up on my sleep. Not a lot is on TV during the afternoons so I was watching King of Queens while waiting to take a nap. The show is pretty entertaining, and the episode I saw today was about how Doug (Kevin James) had been taking care of his friend's baby just to annoy his wife. He was clueless at first about how to handle the child, but soon became an expert and grew very attached to the little girl. It just got me thinking...

I've been going back and forth in my mind about what would be best for me this summer - go back, write my thesis from home, and work some odd job for a couple of months. If I stay here I can probably get an internship with the minor league team. The work wouldn't be all that exciting, but my buddy assured me that if I wanted the job I could have it, and it would at least serve as another line on my long and illustrious resume. I'm contracted in my apartment to stay through August anyway, so it kind of makes more sense. There are some extraneous other reasons why I'd like to go home (beach, baseball, beach, friends, family, beach), but there is a part of me that feels like being responsible means staying in Utah. But watching that episode today kind of got to me...

This may sound silly, but I think I'd like to come home if for no other reason than just to be around all the kids back at home. I'd like to form an attachment with my G0dson, Mason David Reid. I want to see Ryan and Tyler and have pool parties with them. I want to see Doug and Kristen's baby girl in July. I want to go up to LA and visit Matt and Laura, see Chase scurry to his playpen baby cage that he automatically ran to when I visited them last, and also meet their new addition to the family. I want to watch my niece Cameron play soccer, kick the ball around with her, and help my brother coach her team. And I'd like to actually witness Jake as the affectionate father to his little girl, Kate. Bridgette told me about that the other day, but I'll believe it when I see it. (Brooke, if you still visit here, will you please add me to the list of people who can visit your blog? ID - Chrissilva80).

I've never considered myself a "kid" person. I don't get gushy when I see children, swoon, and fall all over myself at how adorable they are, and reach for them and pick them up to play with them. I think that mostly comes from the fact that I just don't have a lot of baby experience in my life. I'm the youngest in my family, and most of my cousins are older than me or lived elsewhere. I've never changed a diaper in my life, and I have no idea how to handle a crying baby. I also didn't grow up in the church, so I just haven't had much baby contact. I've also never ever been a person who likes to demand attention from anyone. I'll sit and watch from the sidelines before I'll get directly involved, but once you start spending any kind of time with them, it's hard not to be left defenseless against their irresistible pull. They tug and claw for your heartstrings and you always succumb, even when you're not a completely willing victim.

Having the opportunity to get away for an entire summer is probably going to be something that will soon be a thing of the past. And I think being around these little ones is reason enough for me to come back home. It's funny that I'm looking forward to this part of being home as much as anything else - to the babysitting, hours spent staring at the newborns, and even the diaper changing.

...just thinking about it gets me excited. I can't believe how soon it all feels.