Save Me

There are a number of ways people harbor attachments and addictions that run contrary to their better judgment. I was talking with a friend today about her experience dealing with an eating disorder in high school. I had never really asked her in detail to explain what that experience was like for her growing up before, but it came up because I was asking her for some help on another project that I had.

It was not something that she maintained for an extended amount of time - lasting just longer than six months. Her wake up call came when she was at the gym late one night, weighing herself and coming in at 67 lbs. She passed out in the bathroom because her body was burning so much more than what she had been consuming. Some things came together in her life that helped her better manage her situation, but from that point on she never looked back. Without any professional help, she worked passed that disorder. If she never said anything, you'd probably never have any idea that she had to deal with that kind of thing.

Because I am in a psychology program and I work with so many students who are in counseling and clinical programs, I have heard a lot of addiction stories. Sometimes I kind of wonder if I missed my calling because I feel like I might be well-suited to help people work through those kinds of things. Anyway, one thing that I've noticed is how nothing ever really works for someone unless that person reaches that critical breaking point when they are so fed up with dealing with the unhealthy behavior that the person will do anything to be relieved of that burden. Real change doesn't happen until the person arrives at that juncture.

While the worst effects are felt by the person who has the destructive behavior, the saddest stories come from those who are affected because of their involvement with that person. Even when that person with the addiction is directly faced with the external consequences of his behavior, no person or no circumstance can force that person to change internally until the person decides for himself. As a result, the couples and other relationships that survive with a person through those addictions or otherwise self-destructive behaviors do so because the people involved don't force their desires on the individual, but cope with and encourage that person as the person learns to live a healthy life. The hardest part is walking the fine line of not condoning the behavior, but still showing their support.

I think what's most interesting about this is that the phenomenon is not just limited to severe problems, i.e. alcoholism, addiction to pornography, etc., but can be manifest in any way where a person might sabotage himself. I haven't had to really deal with addictions or anything like that, but here's the best example in my own life that I can relate. For a long time I had wanted so desperately for things to work out with one girl, and in spite of all the counsel I got to walk away and leave it alone, I couldn't do it until one day I told myself that I would not waste another day of my life being sad or beating myself up because things weren't working out with her. Those were literally the thoughts that I had. They came with such force that it felt like I had just been zapped with a defibrillator. My irregular and faint heartbeat suddenly burst with the intensity of realizing that I had to move on with my life.

It takes that kind of awakening for someone to change or move on with their lives, but until the person decides to get there himself, all we can do is lend our support the best way we know how.