My Very Own Research

Yesterday I had a really productive meeting with my committee chair about my thesis. This whole time I've been taking this approach that is pretty consistent with the literature, and trying to look at sexual harassment using written scenarios and then asking participants their thoughts on whether or not the scenario constitutes sexual harassment. This approach is what is being done in the research, but it's also incredibly boring, even more so given that the only reason I've considered studying sexual harassment is because it's one of my professor's interests, and not my own.

Well in the meeting last night, I was giving him some of my ideas about how I wanted to look at things and he ended up asking about behavioral studies looking at sexual harassment, in other words, creating real life scenarios of harassment and then observing behavioral responses. I immediately lit up. I had thought about that approach, but shied away from it because I thought it would be too difficult to carry out logistically, and then also to get that kind of thing approved by the Institutional Review Board at BYU. With that suggestion, I feel like I have new life breathed into me and I have so much more motivation to try and tackle this thesis.

I need to develop an idea and research question, but the basics are this: my interest within sexual harassment is same sex sexual harassment. I'll need to look at more specifically what it is that men find harassing, and what women find harassing, and then try and target those differences and see how that is revealed behaviorally. There are things that guys can do to other guys that would be sexually harassing, but from a women doing the exact same thing, it would probably be flattering.

If you have any ideas about how to carry this out and what things to observe for behaviorally that would manifest a person's inner feelings, I'd love to hear it.

Also, with the dating survey I'm really excited to pursue that topic and see the breakdown on all of the different groups. In less than a week we got over 400 responses just between the three of us asking friends and acquaintances. At church and my ward activity on Saturday, I probably had a dozen or so people approach me about the survey, and through the Facebook messages I sent out, about ten people responded wanting to know how it all turns out. I love the interest it's gotten from everyone, and I think the findings will be really fun to work out.

I'm hoping that this initial survey can serve as a springboard into doing qualitative interviews with people, particularly those over 25, and learn more about their dating experiences in more detail.

What's really fun about all of this is that it reminds me how much I enjoy all this analysis and trying to understand people. Sometimes I still feel inclined toward applying to counseling/clinical psychology programs once I'm done with my thesis, but this research stuff also can be really fun. My friends in the other therapy-based programs insist that I have a great temperament for the practice. I don't know, but it's at least fun having viable interests that can hopefully earn me some scratch while keeping me at least somewhat intrigued.

Sitting At The Computer Reading Jokes

For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

Obedience and Compliance

My brother sent me a compilation of news stories about the McDonald's hoax wherein a person called posing as a police officer, and asked the store manager of the fast food restaurant to strip search one of the employees to see if the employee had stolen any goods. You've all heard of this, right? Apparently it happened at a number of different restaurants, a number of times, approximately 60 different instances.

Before I jump to the story itself, please refer back to this post that I put up last year talking about the Milgram experiments. The briefest summary I can give is basically this: people came in thinking they were there for a learning and punishment experiment, when really it was a study on obedience and compliance, in reaction to the war crimes perpetrated by the Nazis. The end result was essentially that people will do just about anything when ordered to by someone they see in authority.

What's really interesting about this case of the guy calling in and having these employees perform these incredibly devious and perverted acts was that they are the perfect real world examples of the Milgram findings. I wish I had a direct link to articles, but some cutting and pasting will have to do.

She was a high school senior who had just turned 18 -- a churchgoing former Girl Scout who hadn't received a single admonition in her four months working at the McDonald's in Mount Washington.

But when a man who called himself "Officer Scott" called the store on April 9, 2004, and said an employee had been accused of stealing a purse, Louise Ogborn became the suspect.

"He gave me a description of the girl, and Louise was the one who fit it to the T," assistant manager Donna Jean Summers said.

Identifying himself as a police officer, the caller issued an ultimatum: Ogborn could be searched at the store or be arrested, taken to jail and searched there.

"I was bawling my eyes out and literally begging them to take me to the police station because I didn't do anything wrong," Ogborn said later in a deposition. She had taken the $6.35-an-hour position after her mother lost her job. "I couldn't steal -- I'm too honest. I stole a pencil one time from a teacher and I gave it back."

Summers, 51, conceded later that she had never known Ogborn to do a thing dishonest. But she nonetheless led Ogborn to the restaurant's small office, locked the door, and -- following the caller's instructions -- ordered her to remove one item of clothing at a time, until she was naked.

"She was crying," recalled Kim Dockery, 40, another assistant manager, who stood by watching. "A little young girl standing there naked wasn't a pretty sight."

Summers said later that "Officer Scott," who stayed on the telephone, giving his orders, sounded authentic. He said he had "McDonald's corporate" on the line, as well as the store manager, whom he mentioned by name. And she thought she could hear police radios in the background.

Summers shook each garment, placed it in a bag and took the bag away. "I did exactly what he said to do," Summers said of her caller.

It was just after 5 p.m., and for Ogborn, hours of degradation and abuse were just beginning.

What followed is much worse than you would ever think possible. I'll leave the rest of the details up to your imaginations, but the caller got everyone involved to do exactly what he wanted.

The reactions to the acts are typical, from total dismay and disgust to sympathy for those involved. From one of the stories:

Across the United States, at least 13 people who executed strip-searches ordered by the caller were charged with crimes, and seven were convicted.

But most of the duped managers were treated as victims — just like the people they searched and humiliated.

They all "fell under the spell of a voice on the telephone," wrote a judge in Zanesville, Ohio, in an order acquitting Scott Winsor, 35, who'd been charged with unlawfully restraining and imposing himself on two women who worked for him at a McDonald's.

Chicago lawyer Craig Annunziata, who has defended 30 franchises sued after hoaxes, said every manager he interviewed genuinely believed they were helping police.

"They weren't trying to get their own jollies," he said.

Many of the supervisors were fired and some divorced by their spouses, Annunziata said. Others required counseling.

But the duped managers have been condemnedby others.

"You don't have to be a Phi Beta Kappa to know not to strip-search a girl who is accused of stealing change," said Roger Hall, the lawyer for a woman who won $250,000 after being strip-searched at a McDonald's in Louisa, Ky.

A Fox-TV commentator asked how the managers who went along could be so "colossally stupid."

While the incidents were triggered by a "perverted miscreant" wrote a federal judge in Georgia, the managers "still had a responsibility to use common sense and avoid falling prey to such a scam."

Though the Milgram experiment may help explain why supervisors went along with the caller, even Milgram's disciples say it doesn't absolve them of responsibility.

Just as one-third of the participants in Milgram's study refused to shock the subject, some supervisors refused to go along, including a supervisor at McDonald's Hillview store, who hung up on the caller the very night of the Mount Washington hoax.

"Nobody held a gun to their heads," said Blass, whose book about Milgram is titled, "The Man Who Shocked the World."

"They had the critical ability to decide whether to carry out their orders."

It's easy to judge all those who allowed everything to go so far, but we really underestimate how powerful a force the demand of obedience is. Everyday we live our lives completely dependent on the fact that people are going to do and act in the ways that we are all supposed to. We drive to work or school in safety (for the most part) because we can assume that people will obey traffic laws. Everything we do is dependent on some level of order, and without that assumption, then everything disintegrates into chaos.

I just think the story is really interesting. Yes, the people involved do bear personal responsibility for the things that they did, but I feel a lot of sympathy for them also just because some awful, awful person took advantage of a characteristic in them that in almost any other circumstance would be the right path to pursue.

Help Thou Mine Unbelief

It's funny, I always want to get up and bear my testimony now whenever there is a fast and testimony meeting. I think I started to become that person in the Irvine Ranch Branch and everyone seemed so reluctant to get up and bear testimonies. There was a string of about 4-6 months in a row when I would consistently do it every month. And it never felt contrived for me, like I was making up stuff. I guess I've slowly become a person that has something to say about everything now, although I'm still pretty good at keeping things to myself.

Anyway, I've been wanting to bear my testimony in this ward for the last few months, but I always feel like it's overkill to do it when I also teach a Sunday school lesson the same day. Both of my roommates got up to bear their testimonies, and I would have gotten up to bear mine, but then a dozen people got up before I decided to and we ended up finishing late as it was. And I never want to be the person that makes everyone stay late because I just had to say it.

Anyway (again), this is going to be my forum for the thoughts I would have shared today...

Recently I have been reading a lot from the gospels. I'm actually working on getting through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John before the end of the year. I guess I just kind of feel it's the appropriate season to be reading about Christ's life. Additionally, I've also been reading the General Conference edition of the Ensign.

As I've been reading recently, what I've really been impressed with is just how much hope these different sources of scripture give to me, and I just love it. I love reading the words of our modern day prophets and for whatever reason, I've been finding it really comforting to hear the specific counsel they give to guard ourselves, our thoughts, etc. I think because it reminds me that I'm not alone in my struggles, and that it's not out of the ordinary to have weaknesses and to sometimes - and maybe even frequently - feel doubt.

Last night I was reading in Mark 9, and probably just like everyone else, I love when the father of the sick girl asks Jesus to heal his daughter, and Christ says, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

I can only imagine how much that must have tugged at the heart of the Savior to hear that father's desperate and entirely humble plea to heal his daughter. Lord, I believe that you can heal my daughter, but please, help me so that it's enough that you can work a miracle for her.

There are a lot of ways in which I can express that exact same sentiment. Lord, I believe that you can:

• Help me to get through the rest of my program and build up a significant body of work to put on my resume
• Help me overcome my many, and sometimes, all too glaring personal inadequacies
  
• Help me find meaningful and relevant work
• Help me to get out of my own way so that I'm not single for the rest of my life
• Bless my family so that they can receive the gospel
• Heal my mother's/friend's broken hearts

But, please, help thou mine unbelief.

What's so wonderful about the gospel is that we are so not on our own. There is an abundance of earthly resources and people available to us to help us overcome, but more importantly, we have the Lord who is ever present and ever desirous for our success and eventual triumph over the obstacles that face us.

And I have to believe that God is always waiting and yearning for us to seek out his help in our struggles. I love the frequency of the injunction that he issues to us - ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

The blessings are there and they are available, but we need to make sure that we are doing everything we can to allow him to tip his hand and help us. Not only the asking part, but just like the father of the sick child, we need to be asking for that additional strengthening as well, and doing what we can to make our faith manifest, however small that offering may be.

Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Legion of Extraordinary Dancers

This season has been kind of weird for me and SYTYCD. Sometimes I could care less, but then a particular routine will jump out and just blow me away. I'm not really a fan of anyone in particular. They're all pretty decent. I like Kathryn just because I think she's super cute, same goes for Noelle. I think Jakob is by far the best dancer, although the other guys are all pretty good also.

Anyway, this week I just loved loved loved this routine by the dance group whose name graces the title of this post. I was looking through some of their other videos and current contestant, Legacy, actually used to be (or still is?) a member of the group. My favorite guy is the one dude doing all of the stuff on his hands who smoothly spins to a stop at the end of the routine. I just can't believe how fluid he is, and the variation he has in his speed. Just amazing. But the best part has to be the part in the middle with the perfectly synchronized martial arts moves.


As an added bonus, a friend of mine sent me the trailer for this independent film, Babies.

Arabs Also Weary of Obama

I read this interesting article this morning about how Arabs have gotten tired of Obama's oratory. I won't go into any detail about it, but I did like this excerpt:

Steeped in an overarching idea of American guilt, Mr. Obama and his lieutenants offered nothing less than a doctrine, and a policy, of American penance. No one told Mr. Obama that the Islamic world, where American power is engaged and so dangerously exposed, it is considered bad form, nay a great moral lapse, to speak ill of one's own tribe when in the midst, and in the lands, of others.

The crowd may have applauded the cavalier way the new steward of American power referred to his predecessor, but in the privacy of their own language they doubtless wondered about his character and his fidelity. "My brother and I against my cousin, my cousin and I against the stranger," goes one of the Arab world's most honored maxims. The stranger who came into their midst and spoke badly of his own was destined to become an object of suspicion.

Even in his speech on Tuesday night announcing the addition of 30,000 troops, he started off by speaking ill of President Bush and the previous foreign policy that had been employed, also refusing to acknowledge the difficult decision Bush made to endorse the original surge in the first place, and then he went on to close his speech by talking about how we need to move past partisan politics. Ridiculous.

Sleight of Hand

The Ward Historians asked for contributions from the ward members, and this was mine. Of course, me being a moron, felt like this was such a condensed form, but I never know how much people really want to know. I always feel like I have so much more to say, but I'm not sure if everyone wants to deal with the full brunt of Chris-force coming their way. Anywho...

In all of the scenarios that I had imagined for myself when I had gotten home from my mission 8 years ago, I never thought that I would be still single and still in school at 29 years old. And never did I think that I would be doing Round 2 at BYU, but someone once said the best way to make God laugh is to tell Him about your plans. In spite of the setbacks and pit-stops I have had to take along the way, I know that God’s hand is still guiding my life, and in great abundance this past year.

Currently I am finishing up the second year of a four year program in Applied Social Psychology at BYU. I am in a program that I love, that gives me valuable experience, where I get to work with professors that I have great relationships with. More importantly, in my second go-around in Provo, I feel like I have been able to establish new relationships that make me feel like are the pieces that complete the puzzle that is my life. After I first came back here from California, when I was hoping just to make some new friends, some people in the ward invited me over just to watch TV with them. It was a small gesture and required little of them, but it went so far in helping me just to feel that I wasn’t alone even though in a lot of ways I felt like I was having to start all over in finding new friends. I don’t think those people know how much that simple act meant to me.

In Matthew 7, it says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

A lot of times when I think I’m asking for bread and fish, and all I’m getting are stones and serpents. However, given the experiences that I have had, I know that the bread and fish have been coming, but I haven’t always been able to see them for what they are. The answers are there, and maybe not in the ways that I would typically expect, but I know that Heavenly Father is always there giving the good gifts, and when I have had eyes open to see, then I’ve been able to recognize the answers for what they are – His ever loving hand guiding my life.

Dating Survey

For one of my statistics classes we are doing a dating survey to try and find some factors that predict dating satisfaction. This survey is for non-married people, and if you're interested in taking it, you can do so by clicking here. It shouldn't take more than few minutes, and the results are completely anonymous. Please forward that url onto anyone else who you think might be interested in filling it out. Thanks.

My Heart Will Go On

*UPDATE - I meant to post a different clip. This one is the updated one that has an additional scene after the first one in the hospital.*

I love Elliot. I think the actress who plays her, Sarah Chalke, is just hilarious and plays the crazy side up so well. This post doesn't really have anything to do with the clip. I just happened to be watching the episode last night and I thought both of those parts were really funny, and I love that someone combined the two.

No, what this post about is resiliency. Sometimes it surprises me. A friend of mine was asking around the other day about whether anyone would be willing to throw his/her kid off of a cliff for a million dollars, and you could absolutely guarantee the safety of the child. I said absolutely, and actually everyone she asked said the same thing, and her husband and I had the same response - kids are remarkably resilient, much more than we ever give them credit for, and if you know that the kid is going to be safe, then you may as well just take the money. They'll get over the betrayed trust part later, especially when that kid is enjoying the million dollars too.

In fact, there have been a number of studies that suggest that kids are resilient even in the face of pretty serious abuse, but the findings fly in the face of what you'd normally expect, and what happens is that journals won't publish the work because it's too controversial. People thought that if they published those findings, that some might use that as an excuse to worry less about child abuse, which is valid. True story. Anyway, kids, and people in general, are very resilient.

I was thinking about this the other day as I was searching through some of my old emails for what, I can't event remember now, but I came across one of my old emails to a girl that I had several years invested in. (This is a sidenote, but do you want to know who the best pen pal in the world is? It's me. If I feel like you're at all interested in me or what I have to say, I am uh-may-zing when it comes to correspondence.) But I was just reading the email and it was, as you can certainly imagine, so long-winded and incredibly detailed. I forgot until I was reading that email that I would spend at least two or more hours every Tuesday night writing her while she was serving her mission, and I did that for the duration of her mission. Never missed a week.

Reading that email got me thinking about all of the history that I had with that girl, about the fact that I thought my life began and ended with her. If things weren't going to work out with her, I just saw no other way of going on with life. Not that I was suicidal ever, but it was like outside of her, the only thing I could see was blank space, if that makes any sense.

About a week before she left on her mission, we were just sitting around at my house listening to music, and we were for the most part feeling a lot of happy feelings that night. Then Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes came on and I started singing it to her, and when I got to the part where he says, "and this emptiness fills my heart," I just burst into tears. Everything that I had been trying to push to the side came to the surface and spilled out of my eyes, and then she pulled me over, sat me on her lap, rubbed my back, and started crying with me.

We have easily hundreds, and maybe thousands, of just the sweetest memories together. While we were together, she was my best friend. She didn't know me better than Dave, but I certainly gave myself over to her more than anyone else in my life. And when things ended with her, each time it happened, I just felt the worst kind of pain, and it was so prolonged too. I thought it would never end.

I don't know. I guess it was just weird last week, reading that email, thinking about the memories I had with her, how hard it was to get over her, and think that it almost feels like I'm looking at another person's life when I think about that time. I just feel so removed from all of that now, to where there is no sense of loss when it comes to her, or that I somehow missed the only chance I would have at happiness. It was weird to think that there was this person and this relationship that I had so much invested in, and now I can look back on it and not feel a thing, at least none of what made it so difficult. Reading that email may as well have been like reading about events in some history book.

And that's what amazed me about how resilient we can be. People can, and must, learn to deal with grief and loss all the time. Sometimes it comes in more tragic and devastating ways than others, but in the same way that time can feel so brutally slow when you're in the middle of everything and just want to leave the pain of the present all behind, it is also miraculous in how it allows us to heal and soften the memories of difficulty to where it goes from feeling acute, to opaque, to simply an event from the past that served to shape the present. Time, coupled with the Atonement, provides everything that's necessary to heal. It's amazing to think about how that actually works. It's real.

And I'm really glad that's the case.