First Dates

I don't really like that song, but I do like the line "please don't hint that you're capable of lies." There is a lot of hope that accompanies the experience of the first date. In spite of however I might loathe the first stages of dating, the hope and possibility always keeps me coming back. I hate measuring up a person, and then measuring myself against whatever other competition there might be. I hate the surface level, superficial small talk that prevents me from really getting a feel for what the person is like. But I love the friendship that can arise, and I just love the excitement of getting to know someone new, and how exhilirating it is to connect with someone on a real and personal level. It's probably kind of corny to put it in those terms, but it's the truth. I think everyone really craves making that connection, no matter who you're talking about.

I think I have a pretty wide range of different kinds of first dates. Here are some that I've had:

• Dinner at Rosa's in Provo, followed by a BYU men's soccer game, then a party. That was a good mix of one-on-one time, an event, then a group thing with dancing. Fun.
• Angel's games - twice. And two very different experiences. One of them was awesome, and the other was terrible. The first one I went on a double with a couple that I knew and I went with a girl that had just gotten home from her mission. She had these great dimples and we just chatted for the duration of the game. The other one I went with another girl and she pretty cool, but she ended up telling me about her ex-boyfriend who just turned out to be an awful person when previously I thought he was a pretty decent guy. I hated that experience.
• Dinner at Baja Fresh. That's all it really was, but it was really fun. We just talked. I think that's pretty much all I need to be pleased.
• Lunch at Rosa's. I think I've had three firsts at that restaurant, come to think of it.
• Went and saw The Importance of Being Earnest at the Ahmansson. The play was awesome, the date was dry. Not so much due to her, but I just felt like the way we talked to each other was off.
• Went to Cheesecake Factory and saw Incubus at Verizon. That was a fun one. Another good mix of interaction with the person, and then a really cool event.

I wonder what kind of stories you guys have. I don't think I've ever really had the quintessential terrible date. I had ones that I didn't like, but never one that I would share as the centerpiece of bad date conversations, know what I mean? More generally speaking, what are first dates like for you? I feel like, for me, it's hit or miss. I find the whole process of securing the first date to the culmination of said date just so interesting. I guess everyone has his/her things that appeal right off the bat. I can't say what it might be for other people that leads one person to want to ask another out, but for me it's just pretty simply that I have to at least find her cute and have something interesting to talk about.

From that point, the only thing I worry about during the first excursion is whether or not we'll have much interaction and if we can sustain a decent conversation. The second part of that sentence sounds simple enough, but it's surprising how difficult that can be for some people. And I don't even think it's necessarily a reflection on either person, but sometimes conversation patterns just don't always match up very well. One girl who I thought was super intelligent, that had tons of great insights both spiritually and secularly, was just really hard for me to connect with. I could never figure that one out. It never got past that first time going out with her.

The parts that always get me the most nervous are making the first phone call and the anticipation walking up from my car to the front door. I just hate both of those firsts. How is she going to be on the phone? Can I be interesting or witty enough to get her attention so that she'll yes when I ask her out? Or when I'm heading to the door...is she going to hug me when I see her? One arm or two? Go one arm up and one down? Are her roommates/family going to answer the door? How is the night going to turn out? Once it all gets going, it's never that bad, but the anticipation is always the hard part.

Last night I had a great first. She was just great. My favorite part was everytime I looked at the time, it was SO much later than I had expected. We only had dinner and didn't really do anything else that I had planned on, but it was so much fun just getting to know her. I love when the person overshadows whatever events might be going on, or where I don't even care that nothing really panned out as I had been expecting. I think I've mentioned this before, but dating really is a lot like an extended job interview. When I do interviews at work, I'm looking for a fit between the person and the company, and the person and his/her specific work team, on a number of different levels that include work ethic, style of work, and personality. Dating has that same kind of feel; you want to make sure that not only do your perspectives on life mesh, but that your personalities do too. And just like trying to find the right employee, it's exhausting when you're just not getting the right people, but when you do find the right one it just works. I wish I could put it more eloquently than that.