My Kryptonite

Any idea what it might be? If you ever want anything from me, don't try and butter me up. Don't even bother trying to just ask me nicely. What is the one thing that I'm just completely powerless against? What will break down this hulk of a man of steel? Door to door salespeople. I am completely helpless against. It doesn't matter what it is, how good or bad the salesperson is, if I'm in a rush, or if money is tight for me. Just make a sales pitch, knock at my door, and then I'm dunfer. I'm sure you're wondering what kinds of things I've bought from these people:

• Newspaper - Daily Herald. Yup, bought it as a student while in Provo.


• Some kind of metal cleaner - this really charismatic (at least as I perceived it) black guy came and he started polishing the brass door handle before I could tell him don't. I was so impressed that I bought it, but didn't have enough cash so I even started scrambling around the house for enough change to pay the $40-50 it cost for the product. What's more is that I couldn't have been older than 14 years old at the time. And I'm pretty sure that I had my shirt off the entire time during the sale, and during the runaround the house search for change. I miss those pregarment days. Remember the no-shirts club? If you're a girl, you don't fully appreciate this, but guys probably spent entire summers with their shirts off as kids, like we're from Uganda or something. I also don't think I wore shoes - EVER - as a kid. One time I got some sores on my feet, looked at our medical guide that came with our encyclopedia and was sure that I had gotten hookworm. So when you see all those third world pictures of kids with no shirts and shoes, it's not so much because they're poor as it is that those things are just really restrictive. Anyway, that black guy must have told everyone about that...one time I sold this crappy metal cleaner to a little boy with no shirt! Top that!


• A coupon sheet with Ducks tickets and coupons, and then like 30 free tickets to the dollar movie theater. It was from a guy about my age, 25 or so at the time. He was just really cool, and when he said "I just like going door to door, talking with people, and shootin' the s***" and when those words came out, I was sold. How many of the tickets did I use? About 4 of the free tickets to the dollar theater, and none of the Ducks tickets.


• Some apple-based cleaner. Another funny black guy. Why are they only limited to the cleaners? Still have a full bottle in the garage.


• A coupon book for restaurants that I never ever go to, and did not bother using. But you should have seen the sweet, old lady that was selling the coupons. She really had to be in her 60s at least, and I saw her kids drop her off. What kind of adult children are making their geriatric mother sell coupon books door to door? Mine was the first door that she tried, and it just broke my heart seeing her doing it.


• And yesterday it was another coupon book for a bunch of restaurants and car washes that I'm sure that I'll never use. But it was a kid at my door, with a backwards UCLA cap, and he was terrible. Gawdawful at doing it, but I really just wanted to encourage his initiative.

I'm sure there is a bevy of other things that I've purchased that I can't think of right now. Pretty much, if you come to my door and want me to buy anything for me, I'm looking for reasons to buy it the minute I open the door. It's ridiculous. And I've always been this way, but I think got even worse since the summer I spent selling alarms door to door. One kid that I bought from, I can't remember what it was, I actually heard him celebrating the second I closed the door.

I think it's the same reason why yesterday I stopped to listen to some dude drone on and on about Laroche, some third party candidate for President, and call Cheney and a bunch of other prominent Republicans fascists. It's such a buzz-word right now, fascism. It's dumb. But I think I just always want to encourage those kinds of things, whether it's just that initiative to approach people who can be hostile, but who are at the very least predisposed to saying no to anyone who approaches them at their residence, or others who are campaigning for something they believe in. And I'll even want to encourage that from people who I completely disagree with because I just think more than anything, just the fact that they care enough to do anything at all is really important to me.

Or maybe it's nothing more than just the simple fact that I don't know how to say no.