Glad To Be Back

I had a really vivid dream last night. So vivid, in fact, that I felt like I had to write it down in the Chris Only Journal Blog, which led to me reading some of my past entries. What a difference a couple of months, or even a few days make, right?

As I was reading some of the entries from only a few months ago, I was surprised at my excitement and enthusiasm about so many different things. I feel like the last month or two I've been in this stuck phase where I couldn't really move in any direction, but didn't really want to either. Then last week something in me clicked that has allowed me to feel like I can finally move forward again and resume feeling optimistic, and it's so nice to feel unrestrained.

Sometimes there is a lot of trepidation with closing certain doors. I'm not entirely sure why that is. Maybe it's just not knowing whether or not another one will open up. There is a lot of security in that, even when that security doesn't come from the healthiest of places.

What's really nice is that the feeling that was communicated to me in the dream I had last night was just how cared for I really am. There are people both seen and unseen who I know are there, who ache for my success and happiness as much as I do, if not more. It's nice to go home to California and realize how many people there are that truly love me, that I know I can rely upon for their support. And it's so nice to be here in Utah and realize how much that is true for people that are here too. I'm so incredibly blessed in that respect, and I feel like every day I meet more and more people that continue to open my eyes in new and really exciting ways.

This is a little side note, but it will tie back in...my mom has been involved with this multi-level marketing thing that has actually been working out quite well for. To the point where she's been able to make up the difference in the decreased revenue she's been getting from the store. At first I kept on trying to temper her excitement, but in the last couple of weeks I've been basking in how nice it has been to see my mom optimistic and excited again about life. It has been a really rough couple of years for her, and I feel like I have my mom back in a sense.

In my own right, I've felt a similar surge in my own enthusiasm and hopefulness. It's not that things have been that bad for me, but after reading those previous journal entries, I finally feel like I'm getting back to myself again. And it's just a nice feeling to be comfortable in my own skin again.