My Girlfriend's Dead

The song taps into a different sentiment than I am going for here, but I think the thought is on the right track. I was talking to a friend some time ago about break ups and she had said that when they happen, the other person dies to you in a sense, at least if you are actually trying to move on and not going for the state of dating limbo where you're not committing to one side or the other.

Ironically, breaking up takes commitment. It takes time and there are no short cuts to it. You have to be determined to move on or it just doesn't work. It's been a little while since I've gotten over someone. In the time since it last happened I had kind of forgotten that breaking up and moving on really does involve a mourning period. There is a very necessary time for grieving that is demanded if you are really serious about a full and healthy recovery. There is a psychological component to it, where if it does not occur, you just can't seem to get a good foot forward, personally. Your feelings for the ex linger and you start to entertain thoughts of a reunion, in spite of how much you know in your mind that breaking up actually was the right thing to do, even if you weren't the one who initiated it. In the end, it really doesn't matter how right one person feels about it, because if there's just one dissenting party then it's never going to work anyway.

There are a lot of break up rituals that people have - eating, not eating, smoking, sleeping, writing, hanging out with friends, retail therapy, etc. Some break ups are of the sort where it just involves deleting her phone number, and some involve disposing of the body, fleeing the country, getting plastic surgery, and assuming a new identity. Or at least you'd like to carry that one out. I'll bet there would be a market for people going through break ups who would indulge in all sorts of crazy, off-the-wall kinds of things just to tap into the cathartic element. My rituals tend to involve watching movies, watching Scrubs episodes, exercising a lot, calling Dave, and just being around people. I don't do alone well at all, and I have trouble sleeping and eating when I'm down.

There are a few things that I always have to tell myself when I'm moving on:

• There is someone out there with a similar sense of humor that will laugh at the same kinds of inappropriate and clever things that you think are funny
• There is someone out there who can be affectionate in the ways that you appreciate
• There is someone out there who can understand you
• There is someone out there that you can be playful with
• There is someone out there that you can talk with and open up to about everything under the sun
• It's just not her, but that someone is out there and will probably fulfill your needs in a greater measure than you ever thought possible.
• Or maybe there is someone out there just attractive and funny enough that can get distract you for at least a little while.