My Favorite Fart Stories

I love that it's a beeper commercial, and then also the look of the guy's face in the back of the car when it pans back to him the first time.

Okay...so this post is inspired by Mike Reid posting a comment on my Facebook wall. I wanted to really just tell one story, but I'll proceed that with two others as a warm-up to the crescendo...

1. Late one Saturday night, Mike and I decide to go catch The Dark Knight at the Irvine Spectrum at like midnight. We had both already seen it, and we had originally planned on trying to catch it in the IMAX, but it was sold-out. We went anyway. During the previews, in between movie trailers, Mike tries to sneak out a fart just as the theater gets silent, only it turned out to be monstrous. The best part, however, was that he didn't even realize how loud it was until I burst out laughing upon hearing it.
2. Over the last President's Day weekend, Dave and Caitlin had come out to visit Utah to get some time away and for Dave to go snowboarding. We meet up at Smokehouse (which has the best pulled pork sandwich in the world). Sitting in the dining area was just us three, plus a pair of other girls. It was about closing time and the restaurant is never busy anyway, so it was a pretty quiet atmosphere, that is, until Dave also thought he could sneak one out. Maybe it was the altitude adjustment combined with sitting on a solid, metal chair that compounded the strength of his downward outburst, but we all died laughing out how much rumbling there was from his bass box. What made it even better was overhearing one of the girls ask her friend, "omigosh...did you hear that?"
3. Okay...this is my all-time favorite fart story, and hopefully I remember the details well enough. This one comes courtesy of my buddy Greg, who is probably the gassiest person I have ever met. Seriously. It's almost always coming out both ends with this guy.
   
   The MTC cafeteria is notorious for helping to create an incredible gas pressure system within one's bowels, and that includes everyone. You're spending upwards of 12 hours a day in a classroom with Elders and Sisters, so at some point or another someone is going to push one out and everyone has a good laugh about it. In addition to a lot of class time, there are a ton of meetings, and one frequent meeting is the large group meeting where you meet with multiple districts. There are probably about 200 or so people that attend these meetings that occur usually on a weekly basis. So on top of feeling gassy all the time, as a missionary, you're tired all the time too. That's just always the case. It's a very demanding schedule that requires a ton of energy and it can be pretty overwhelming, so falling asleep in these kinds of meetings is not an uncommon occurrence.
   
   While attending one of these meetings, Elder Greg gets into a relaxed state and dozes off. So relaxed, in fact, that his sphincter loosens up enough that he lets some of the pressure escape from his bowels. The resulting fart was so loud that it woke him up, and while he realized that a fart was what had disturbed his slumber, he wasn't quite aware enough that it was he who was the culprit. So he whispers to his companion, "was that me?" At which point, dozens of shoulders suit coats begin to convulse up and down after hearing the fart and follow-up inquiry as they try and contain their laughter and maintain some semblance of reverence in the meeting.

I'm either 8 years old or farts are just inherently funny. I'll never stop laughing at that story.