Friday, May 20, 2011

Dating Blows

I have an office on campus next to a guy from my cohort that I just really like. Previously things had been going really well for him and this girl, so it was high times on the 10th floor of the SWKT. (Yes, guys get excited for each other too.)

As a side note, it's funny how you can be feeling something and not realize how much more you are communicating about that feeling beyond the words that you are saying. People said that about Amy and I on our wedding day. And he said that about me when I was talking about how great it was to be married when we talked soon after I had come back from our honeymoon.

Today was the recounting of another low in the endless torture that is involved with dating. I really felt for him. Insecurities get exposed, people act irrationally, and things just feel off when your love life is off-kilter. I totally remember that.

The nice thing, however, is just how right things feel once they do sort themselves out.

I want to hearken back a little ways to the post that I put up recently about YSA men and dating. My main contention was that I think the GA's in the Church are mischaracterizing the young men in the Church. Are there a lot of great YSA women who aren't married who totally deserve to be? Absolutely. I think the bigger problem is that there aren't enough men to satisfy the women.

I was going to go through the exercise of actually counting out numbers in trying to explain why girls are dating more and how it's not because guys aren't dating enough. I won't bother to anymore, but I will say this - in every ward, there is typically an imbalance in guys to girls, and if everyone basically thinks that anywhere from one half to only one tenth of the population is really datable, well then a lot of people are going to go unattended to. Also, it's just a fact that 10% of the girls do 90% of the dating. Guys are selective, but so are girls. And with their being few guys compared to girls, all the numbers get skiwampus. There.

Anyway, to further validate my point, I was at a department brown bag some time ago and some of our researchers had carried out a study on YSA trends in the Church. Even the researchers in that meeting said that while Church leadership is still very much concerned about YSAs waiting so long to get married, their (researchers) general feeling was that most active YSA men are not putting off marriage for invalid reasons. And that's my feeling as well: if you have a guy who pays tithing, does his home teaching, and goes to Church, it's likely that he does actually want to get married, and will actively move toward that end.

Then, one of the researchers spoke up and said that if we are going to follow the research, it probably is a good thing that people in and out of the Church are waiting longer to get married anyway. Getting married at older ages tends toward more stable, long-lasting marriages.

Which brings me to my final point: The Census Bureau recently reported that marriages are lasting longer than they have in the recent past, and they attribute this largely to the fact that people are waiting to get married later in life.

So there you go. Not necessarily a bad thing. It could lead to more moments like this:

So two things worth remembering while dating:
  1. Psalms 23 - The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
  2. D&C 122:7 -...these things shall give thee experience, and [really!] shall be for thy good.
Even when you're down in the dumps because it just seems like things will never work themselves out or even when you're getting in your own way.

They do, and you'll learn to get out of your own way. It's great.


Mary said...

I saw that video the other day and thought it was really great. Well done. And you have some great thoughts, Chris.

Caitlin said...

Isn't it soooooo nice to be on the other side of it? Three cheers for marriage! And good luck to all you folks still in the throes of dating. :)

Dave said...

I always figured it was "throws" of marriage. As in, "Caitlin, stop throwing punches at me."

At least that has been my experience in marriage thus far.