Dependent on Dysfunction

These are just some thoughts I had as I was preparing for today's sunday school lesson.

A couple nights ago I was chatting with a friend who is going through a break-up. For whatever reason, I love giving the break-up pep talk: you have to sever ties, nothing works like cold turkey (where did that saying come from anyway?), the more intense/longer the relationship, the longer/more definitive the separation has to be, and then the hard-close with, you never know what's right around the corner, and God wants you to be happy even more than you want to be happy. I don't know why, but I just love giving that talk. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've dealt with it myself in a variety of ways, and seen it with a number of other people, but I feel like those are vital principles in dealing with break-ups. No exceptions.

It got me thinking about a number of other people I know dealing with different things, and then of course, my own experiences.

This guy dated this girl for two years, but for the last year, she's been cheating on him with her old ex-boyfriend. And yet, he's still having a terrible time getting over her.

Family member dealing with clinical depression. I don't think it's root causes are biological so just introducing medication isn't (hasn't) going to work. In talking to some of the clinical/counseling psych students that I know about what kinds of things they do to help people dealing with depression, and from my own readings, it really just seems like what happens is that a person quite literally needs a reprogramming.

A friend's mom is snooping around her ex-husband's house. Taking advantage of the fact that she knows he's out of the country visiting their daughter, she's going to his empty house, entering his backyard, doing who knows what. They've effectively been separated for a few years, and the divorce was finalized back in March, but she can't resist these weird kinds of urges.

Friend of mine recently apologized for some stuff that happened months ago that came as a result of a messy and lengthy break-up. Very messy. Very lengthy.

And a number of other examples, but those are just some that I can think of off the top of my head.

Whatever the case may be, each of these seem to have a common underlying symptom - people become dependent on dysfunction. At some point something goes awry. The problem doesn't receive a clear and functional resolution, and the perception of how things are supposed to be becomes completely altered. Sometimes it's the person's own fault, but there are also times when it isn't.

Under normal circumstances the person can obviously perceive that the current state of affairs is askew, but one of the remarkable things about the human psyche is its adaptability. However, under these kinds of circumstances that capacity to quickly normalize a situation is also its drawback - the unusual and otherwise unacceptable becomes the status quo. And this happens all the time in a million different variations of the same fundamental theme.

Every iteration of this scenario begs for a clear, meaningful, and immediate resolution, which is why having the gospel is so vital to proper functioning, and why the Atonement is requisite to perfection. Without a gospel foundation there is a severely limited ability to orient one's self morally and practically. I can't think of a good example, but it's like if we had to live without gravity. There is no practical order which makes living in a community of people impossible. In the Book of Mormon it's mentioned in Mormon 5:18 as having a rudderless ship.

I guess I'm just grateful for the knowledge that I have of the Atonement and the plan of salvation. It is there to help us correct those erroneous thoughts and behaviors that detract from the peace and happiness we're able to feel. It orients us when we're lost at sea and helps us pull safely back into harbor, without being whipped around by the waves and winds that would otherwise beset us. I'm grateful for that.