Just Thinking Out Loud

I’m giving up on work today. That’s right. I cannot seem to get myself on task today at all. I think that part of this is coming from just having no down time whatsoever in the last couple weeks and so now I’m just looking to unwind, and unfortunately, it seems to be happening here at work. I’ve also got some more things on my mind with Christmas and holidays, stuff with my mom, and school and everything seeming to converge all at the same time.

I had a really cool conversation with my dad last night. Last night marked the first time I brought him up to speed on my mom’s plight over the summer. To tell you the truth, I had actually been avoiding him because I knew that this conversation was going to come up sooner or later and more for my mom’s sake than my own, I didn’t want to have it. After having spoken with him, I only wish now that I had approached him sooner about the whole thing because he definitely was in a position to where he could have helped alleviate the situation. However, I almost think it might be better this way for my mom, if only for this reason – sometimes people just need to learn to take care of themselves and suffer the consequences.

Consequences are really difficult to face. Often we spend a lot of time and energy trying to avoid them, only to have them come and take effect in the end. They are, by nature, completely unavoidable. But I think my mom has been living consequence free for the past several years. Mostly since the time she and my dad split up. Now her consistent poor decision making is catching up and it is going to hit her where it hurts. As awful as it is to watch her go through this, I think these are some necessary growing pains that will have to happen. My dad astutely pointed out last night that sometimes it isn’t until we’re older, or when more is at stake, when we learn these very important and sometimes very painful lessons.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that statement by Dr. Drew, “bringing the consequences to bear.” That applies as much to wayward teenagers experimenting with drinking and drugs as it does to any area of life where we live carelessly and become our own worst enemies. I’ve seen it in my own family where my aunt continually shields her kids from their own mistakes, to the point where they have only continued to regress and now have been both transferred to other lesser high schools. This happens when people get abortions because of careless attitudes about procreative gifts. This happens when parents absorb their children’s poor spending habits and assume their children’s debts, or continue to support them while they live negligently. I’m sure you can think of many examples in your own life.

I would think that as a parent your greatest hope for your child is that they become a contributing member of whatever community, church, or world that they live in. Not just a consumer, but a producer. In Orson Scott Card’s Alvin Maker series, I love that the central character’s greatest talent and the means by which he helps to make the world a better place is his ability to create. His enemy in the book is vaguely referenced as the Unmaker. How often do we play each of those roles of maker or unmaker in our own lives? When or how do I help build, fortify, and benefit the people around me or to what extent do I become a drain, sapping energy and resources from those I come into contact with?

Another interesting thing is having relationships with people that you are forced to love. Sometimes those kinds of relationships offer the greatest surprises for us in terms of increasing our ability to forgive, developing patience, and just loving despite another person’s shortcomings. I think one easy example of this is the mission companion that you just never get along with, but I think something that everyone can relate with is the relative that seems relentless in his/her pursuit of testing your ability to exercise that love. It is no coincidence that we are members of the unique family units that we have. The family that we are apart of now gives us the laboratory setting of learning how to exercise decency and compassion in what will eventually be a very large scale affair.

My dad has some very quirky things about him. Although he comes from a latin culture that is typically very affectionate, when I see him he shakes my hand. He has embraced his German roots and disputes the reality of the holocaust. He thinks it’s rude for me to fall asleep on his couch. And sometimes he just feels very cold and cynical. In spite of these and other traits that can really get under my skin, I do my best to appreciate him and maintain a relationship with him because he will always be my father. What I liked most about my time with him last night was just how much he surprised me with his brightness and his humanity. I’m speaking pretty abstractly right now, but that’s the overall impression I had of him after I left him. It was nice for me and more than that, it felt good to feel close to him and to want to be closer to him. Regardless of the type of the relationship, I think it’s always good to feel that kind of yearning.