Wednesday, November 25, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You

Guys and girls of a certain age know how to show interest. They just do. I don't really know what girls do. Sometimes I feel like I get a pretty good read on girls, but then something goes awry and I'm at a total loss. However, I am a guy and I sure as hell know what guys do - we ask out girls on dates.

I'm pretty sure that it's impossible for a guy to be a member of the church of the Mormons, over the age of 25, actively participating, and not know that when he's interested in a girl, he has to ask her out on dates. Seriously. As often as they mention home teaching in Elders Quorum, the leadership in the church advocates that we go out on dates. In my ward we currently have a dating and relationships class as one of the options in Sunday school. For our ward conference, the priesthood meeting was dominated by discussion about loneliness and how it's the number one concern of our stake presidency, and how guys just simply aren't asking girls out enough on dates. The girls I know in the relief society presidency in my ward have told me that the biggest complaint they encounter is how the sisters don't go out on enough dates. Every one here knows that when you are interested in someone, you go out on dates. Dating dating dating! That's what much of the focus is on for the young single adults in these parts.

Then I guess the question is what constitutes a date. Elder Oaks mentioned the three P's criteria - planned, paid for, and paired off. I think I would have to also add that it be on one of the money nights - Friday or Saturday. No, lunch dates don't count. Guys would go out on a lunch date with that sister from their mission that they secretly thought was hot, but were terrified of spending too much time with for fear that they would get along too well with said sister (did I have one? You better believe it. Oh, Hermana Church! We had such chemistry on the mission when nothing could ever happen, but lunch at Rosa's when we were both home was SO incredibly awkward! I learned my lesson. Don't go out with sister missionaries from your own mission, but we'll always have Quilicura!).

This is what a lunch date is to a guy - a low commitment atmosphere that only requires about an hour, little thought (where's a good place to eat? Del Taco? done!), and is typically just an opportunity to put feelers out there. It's kind of like how in research they do exploratory studies to determine if there is something really worth investigating, only with a lunch date a guy knows he wants at least an hour with the girl, but he is not quite sure if he wants to devote an entire evening to her that requires both more time and more money. Voila! The perfect solution! A lunch date.

No, my friends, it's all about an actual date that is on one of the money nights, Friday or Saturday, because those are the nights with the real payoff. A week night counts if it's something truly awesome, or schedules are such that all attempts have been made for a Friday or Saturday night, but it just won't work, then you settle for a week night. But everyone in the whole world knows that all the events that you are really looking forward to come on the weekend. It's like that for everyone. No exceptions.

If a guy is interested, busy doesn't count as an excuse. Even if a guy is working two jobs and going to school full time and he's putting in 12-14 hour days, if he's interested in someone, he will set aside a Friday night (and work on Saturday if he has to, and maybe even Sunday) and go out with the girl who has piqued (or is it peek? or peak?...Karen ;) his interest. The shyest guys without any dating experience even do this.

If a guy is interested, even distance doesn't count as an excuse. Provided you are reciprocating, he will shower you with attention even when he's out with other people and never hesitate to respond to your prodding. Texting is an amazing (and annoying) invention that allows for this display of affection.

When a guy is interested, there is always time and there are always resources. Always always always. Even the President of the United States can find time to go to a party or a banquet. You're telling me that just because finals are in two weeks and he's feeling really stressed that he can't find a few hours on a Friday night to spend some time wooing you? I'm sorry. Is he the leader of the free world? Is there a war on terrorism with multiple fronts that he's managing while trying to push through major health care reform? If the President can party, a guy who's interested can party.

EVERYONE saves Friday or Saturday to do something fun. EVERYONE. If he's not spending it with you, I can assure you he's not at the library studying. I worked library security at the HBLL as an undergrad, and I did some of those weekend night shifts. The only people there until close on weekend nights are employees. That's it.

What time does everyone value the most? Okay, don't give me that cliche answer. Outside of church, what time? Weekend night time. If he, or she, is not spending the time that is most valuable to them with you, then they're spending it with someone else. And it's not something else.

This is way too long, but you can take all that to the bank.

I wanted something more relevant from this movie, but I love this clip mostly because the guys are using each other as stand-ins for girls so here it is. If you have any questions, read the book and then call me in the morning.


Karen said...

That clip is hilarious! I was laughing through the whole thing!

And yes, if people cannot figure out peek/peak, I assume they don't even know what the heck pique means. :)

Salt H2O said...

Silvs you hit on something.

If he's into you, he'll ask you out, if he's not- he won't.

My husband's and my courtship was bizarre, because he kept acting like he wasn't interested- but he kept asking me out. He didn't WANT to be interested because of the distance, he was overstreched with work and school, and the distance- but he kept asking me out.

Now, we're married.

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Mix said...

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

Insert subject line here and link it to <========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.