Today I got a couple of fun resumes. Sometimes I get cover letters and I think these in general are always entertaining. I especially love lines like, "I'm the perfect candidate," or, "I have the exact skills and qualifications that you are looking for." Sure you do. Or, I love when a person opens with this line:
My name is Brian X and I am a 4th degree black belt in martial arts. I am highly interested in your position....enough said.
Who opens with a line like that? Or how about this in the text of a resume, and this is the exact text by the way, as it appears on the resume:
Personal details:
-Age- 59. 6-ft. 210 lbs. Works out. 136 IQ. Photo recent. (followed by a photo of him)
-Born/Raised- San Diego. Now live- Westminister, CA. Name...number...
-Education: 3 years- College. History/Philosophy. Private study/writing
equivalent to Doctoral Degree [Recent 2006 completion of 3-yr treatise].
Yup. All that stuff in his resume, and presented exactly in that manner. Then I had the pleasure of a conversation with a guy that was a personal reference for one of our employees. His voicemail message ends with something ridiculous like, "you have a positive, powerful day." I thought it was just a lame message, but it turns out that's how he actually talks. Our dialogue was something like this:
Me: Hello, this is Chris
Guy: Hi, this is Morris. I'm returning your phone call for Kristin. I was out of town. Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner.
Me: Oh, thanks so much for calling back. I actually was able to get a hold of Jim over at Best Rate so she's all squared away. But thanks for taking the time to follow up and call me back.
Guy: Positive, positive.
Me: (Awkward silence...did he actually just say that?) Okay. Well, I appreciate you taking the time to call back. I won't be needing anything else.
Guy: Positive. Well, I just wanted to make sure you guys knew that I was inaccessible and that was the reason I didn't call back.
Me: Okay. Well...thanks? We've got everything we need. Thanks for following up.
Guy: Positive.
Me: Alright...You take care.
Guy: Positive, positive. You have a positive day.
No joke. That was our conversation. I really do love my job. I get to interact with so many different kinds of people, from the ones that we hire and I do orientation with to the ones that are just really kooky. It's all a really great time. Last Friday I actually interviewed a gay guy who was applying for one of our property director positions. How did I know that he was gay? He talked about how while in the military he discovered who he was and really came into his own. Then referred to his partner a couple of times and moving to Las Vegas to try and start a life together. The craziest part was that this guy had been up to 390 lbs. and was now down to 190 lbs. Can you imagine losing that much weight?
Interviews are so fun though because I can go in whatever direction I choose so long as it doesn't go into anything about that person revealing whether or not I'm judging them based on the person being in a protected class. And by the way, I think the only class that isn't protected is white males. That's the honest to goodness truth. Isn't that kind of crazy? Anyway, people are just so interesting though.
5 comments:
I would've asked that guy questions like "What kind of number do you get when you multiply two negatives?", or "What's a result you don't want from an AIDS test?", or "Are you sure you couldn't call back b/c you were watching self-help programs while on meth?".
Positive. Bwaha.
Whenever I interviewed for jobs I tried to give as little personal information. For example, I didn't want them knowing that I was a woman b/c they might not hire me. Even though in the past Dave claimed that the only reason I got a job on campus was b/c I flirted with the old guy and wore a revealing shirt! NOT TRUE!!
ha ha ha! Who are these people, and why do they feel that information is pertinent to scoring a job? I'm glad they do, though -- it's very entertaining, even hearing it second-hand. I truly envy your job.
Valerie...let's be honest. that is the reason you got the job. that and the fact you are a brazilian. what i want to know...what 3 year college program is equivalent to a doctoral degree? sign me up for that.
So...when is Dwight Schrute coming in for his interview. Have you called him yet?
I can't believe that you didn't mention that your job is even more fun Wed/Thurs/Fri because of the most awesome girl who lives in the wooden fortress by the front door. Whatever!
BTW...your next interview is here. :)
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