It Is Finished

I got a response a few days ago from my academic advisor at Claremont. She was actually really nice about it. She said some nice things about me being intelligent and capable and wishes me well, etc. and so forth. I had a philosophy professor who always ended sentences saying that phrase, "etc. and so forth." Anyway, so I have officially withdrawn from CGU. It's pretty crazy actually.

When people ask me about school I still tell most of them that I'm starting up in a couple of weeks. I think it's mostly because I don't feel like explaining my whole story and what I plan on doing. When they ask it's easier just to say, "2 weeks," than it is to say, "well...I've been kind of spinning my wheels with the program for a long time and I just felt like it was time to..." If you've gotten my full explanation then you should feel good about that because I feel like you're actually interested and therefore I don't mind explaining. It's mostly when it's just brought up as just chit chat and I don't feel like the person really cares one way or another whether or not I actually go back to school that I don't bother to explain. What's harder is when my employers bring it up because my new plan affects my job future and so I don't know if I really want to tell them anything about it. Should I? I think they'd actually be really understanding about it. The problem is that I'm increasingly receiving more and more responsibility and job diversity and I don't want to lose that because they know I'm leaving in a year. Anyway...that's all.

So next week I'm heading up to Utah and I'm going to look into their PhD program in Applied Social Psychology. I was explaining to a friend last night that usually in life I have a very definite direction on where I'm headed not only in the next 6 or so months, but in the next several years. Since I have been in my previous program, I never really felt like I knew what I was doing. He kind of explained how he was feeling like it's not necessarily bad for him to be here, but also that it's not quite the right place for him to be, at least not yet. I think I share those similar feelings of ambivalence. In considering BYU and that program, not only do I feel better about that plan, but I also feel like I have a much more definitive direction and plan for my life. And that's really exciting to me. And it's more than just the fact that I would be there for the next four years going to school, but I feel like I can see a future beyond that and that is what really gets me jazzed.

So there's your update.