I Still Get Nervous

I'm 27 years old and I've called plenty of girls, but I still get nervous that first time I'm calling a girl that I'm interested in. It's nerve-racking. That looks weird spelled out like that. It really is though. I'm for the most part a confident person, but there's nothing like going out on a limb to start pursuit and it all starts with that first call. I think it's pretty easy to get the phone number, especially with mormon girls because they are so nice. Even if they don't want to give it, they always do because I think they just don't know how to say no and be harsh in person. Over the phone is a totally different story. Over the phone you can screen calls, or you can just not call back. Over the phone is impersonal and creates more distance, therefore it's easier to blow off someone over the phone. So that's one of the first tests. Not getting a call back, or receiving little response from a phone conversation can be par for the course sometimes. It is annoying.

My normal pattern these days for that first call is that I will usually have in mind several things to bring up or talk about in that first real conversation, whether it's over the phone or on an actual date, or whatever. There is nothing I hate more than when I can't talk to a person. So if conversation is ever difficult, I try and make every attempt to make sure that it isn't because I wasn't doing my best to be interested in the other person and have something to opine about on a number of different subjects. But I really hate the lack of stimulating conversation, and maybe that's where some of my apprehension comes from when calling the girl for the first time because I put so much weight on conversation.

Not only do I have topics of conversation, but I will usually even have in my mind the kind of message I'll leave if she doesn't answer. I know, it's totally ridiculous, but having all these things in mind beforehand helps me to avoid sounding nervous and appear more natural. Being natural=cool and cool=scoring with chicks, right?

I've only started really thinking about this recently, but it is very unusual to even have the same conversational pattern as somebody else. There are so many things that go into conversation. Not only do people have different things that they like to talk about, but they will have a varying depth of interest in the person him- or herself and that affects the flow of the conversation. Different people pause at different times or have certain patterns of humor that is unique to his/her own way of living and who they are affected by. There are so many nuances to communication, it's a wonder to me how people ever 'connect'. Personally, ability to converse is integral to the type of interest that I have in a person. I think it basically comes down to two things, 1) ability to communicate and interpret ideas and 2) interest in the person. If either of those things are lacking then it's not worth my time.

Ladies, you really don't know what an ordeal it is to have to put yourself out there and try and win you over. And I know it's easy to say, well so what? if it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be. I don't care who you are, it's impossible for your ego not to be involved when it comes to dating. It is entirely subjective, but it still sucks hard to get blown off by someone you're interested in. The fact that you're interested in the person indicates a high opinion of said individual, and to be ignored by that person still blows. I don't know how else to say that more clearly.

I just thought it was funny though because tonight I called this girl and she's totally cool and easy to talk to, but still...it made me nervous. And I went through my normal ritual of thinking of conversation pieces, voicemail message, and staring at her phone number for a while before I actually call.