What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

An orange, a lawyer, a gorilla, or a tulip? Can't somebody tell me? Can't somebody make up my mind? Can't somebody please lend me a quarter and a dime?

That comes courtesy of my buddy Cid. It was a song he wrote our freshmen year at BYU. Maybe he'll even read that and appreciate the shout out. He comes around here occassionally.

Okay...so this is just something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. Today Dave and I were just chatting a little bit about this topic of what we're going to be doing in the future. It's worrisome, let me tell you. My focus from freshmen year at school was to get into graduate school and become a psychologist. I worked hard and made myself a likely candidate for some pretty darn good programs. I picked one of them and for several reasons that I don't really care to go into, that program just has not turned out as I would have hoped. So a couple years and about 30k dollars later, I'm changing course.

Up until about January of 2005 I knew exactly what I was going to do. I even thought I knew who I was going to end up with. I was going to pick a PhD program and finish that up. And when the time came, I was going to go through it with this one person. Then the program wasn't what I had envisioned, so I opted for the masters to finish sooner and do a different track. Then things didn't work out with the girl. And finally things just aren't really working with the program. Now I'm totally shifting gears and it's scary and I have no idea what's going on.

So why share all of this in a public forum? 6 months ago, or even 3 months ago, I think I would range from terrified to apprehensive about the future and what lay in store for me. And yesterday I got kind of stuck teaching the priesthood lesson because the teacher didn't work out, but I'm really grateful that it turned out that way. It went really well and I learned a lot. But in thinking about these things today and I've been in a really pensive, quiet mood all day long, I am realizing again that I am at a point where I don't feel any of that same fear or apprehension that I did even just a couple of months ago. And I bring up the lesson because I thought one line in particular was especially profound and this is the crux of this post - It is not blind obedience, even without total understanding, to follow a Father who has proved himself.

The difference between me now and me six months ago is where my faith is at. Although I am in a sense blind because I have no idea how things are going to turn out in 5 years, 1 year, 6 months, or even 1 month from now, my guide is sure. It took me a lot of heartache and a lot of time to figure that out, but I'm finally there. And this goes back to my post from yesterday about limitations.

Of course it's okay to fret sometimes that maybe what we're doing isn't exactly our favorite thing, or we're unsure about the course that we are travelling on. We can, however, rest assured that He knows perfectly where it is that we need to go. Not only that, but where the best place is to go that will bring us the most happiness. As Lehi told Jacob, behold all things have been done in the wisdom of Him who knoweth all things. As long as our faith is intact, there is no limit to what wonders He can work in our lives. Stay committed, and be faithful and those things will work themselves out. I finally understand that. Again. Hold on and hope on. And sorry if this is too goofy. Like I said I'm just in the frame of mind today where I'm considering all of these things.

From Elder Hales:

Finally, be there. Each of us was there in the Council in Heaven to choose the great plan of happiness we now enjoy. Young men, when you have made a commitment to yourself, your family, your bishop, your employer, be there. When it is time to be in church, at Mutual, or fulfilling a priesthood assignment, be there. When it is time to graduate from school or training programs, be there. When it is time to serve a mission, be there. When the young woman you love most kneels at the altar of God's holy temple, be there (and not as a witness). When your family is gathered in the celestial kingdom, be there. When the Savior waits to greet you as you return with honor from your life on this earth and your Heavenly Father wants to encircle you about in the arms of His love, be there.